The family secret..

(This blog posting was moved from my original blog)

I haven't really posted about the one thing that is so prevalent in my/ my family's life. Perhaps because it is so personal, so private, and so scary to many. It is Bipolar Disorder. Heck, it's scary to me- I live it everyday. I have Bipolar Disorder. That's not something I announce, it's not something I want to be categorized as. People judge- I can't blame them for things they don't know about or understand. Mental illness still carries such stigma with it. With Faith, family support and medication, I manage my disorder well, and have had no major episodes in the last couple of years. I still have bad days/weeks, but nothing frightening.

It is not my bipolar disorder that affects our family so much; it is my son's. ThrillRider was 7 when he was diagnosed with Early Onset Bipolar Disorder. Although a difficult diagnosis for children, it was much easier for psychiatrists to recognize as he has a family history. Kids with Bipolar are much different than adults. It's not just mood swings, (although they are definitely a factor) it is the rage, and helplessness(kids don't know what's going on with them), and stubbornness, and lack of memory and social skills that make it so different. Medication can help, but so many drugs have not been thoroughly tested for children. Add that to growing bodies,and hormones, and it's difficult to keep a good dosage for efficacy.

Every day is a struggle. The most mundane tasks can cause a blowup. Getting ready for school in the morning & getting ready for bed at night take at least an hour apiece. Homework is more often than not forgotten. Projects not finished, assignments refused. Yes, outright refused. Homework, when brought home, takes hours to complete. The lack of respect is appalling- to parents, teachers and anyone in positions of authority. Focus and memory can be at times nonexistent. It is so frustrating to see a child who is so bright and intelligent failing/almost failing classes because of missed assignments and a disregard of consequences. (You can see why communication with teachers is essential, and why I really feel the need to give gifts of appreciation to teachers who are tested daily on their patience- a few posts back)

Holiday season is especially rough. He & I both get hypomanic in the lead up to Christmas. After the big event, there is a letdown (I think that happens to the most sane of people) and depression sets in. Tristan was hospitalized last January. He had to be homeschooled for several months after. I fear this year may repeat last. I pray it won't.

Wow- that really helped to vent. I started this post crying, but I feel much more calm now. Perhaps it won't be a terrible day.